This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness.
- The Dalai Lama

To those who celebrate the holiday, a happy Easter to you. I trust that the day was one filled with good things as apparent with the influx of bunnies and colorful eggs all over the school. I was quite amused at having to paint some eggs on Friday, coerced by some of my clients who seemed pleased at my willingness to participate. The Music Room was decorated appropriately enough, although I felt it could have used a bit more of the Hitachiin touch. Kaoru's injury is becoming more of a liability than I thought, and without Kaoru, well...Hikaru is a shell of his former self even though he might not realize it or make it that obvious. *frowns lightly*

As expected, Tamaki's birthday was considered a festival at Ouran. Coming into school that morning (his birthday fell on the weekend, so the girls seemed to organize something on Friday of last week) was something I braced myself for. It's something that happens every year. Comparable to the number of gifts he receives on White Day (and sometimes Valentine's Day), he could barely walk without being accosted by a girl or two, each with flowers or a box of chocolates to give him. I refrain from describing what his locker looked like when he finally approached. He seemed to look at me with helplessness at some point, but I shrugged and fought back a smile, allowing him to 'suffer' his adoring fans' affections.

My gift to him is a little more personal - something I spent several days and nights agonizing and re-doing over and over again. And if Fuyumi's squeal of delight at the finished product (I honestly, didn't mean for her to see it, but she sneaks up on me at the worst moments) is any indication, then I think I did a relatively good job.

Ah, and lest I forget, Fuyumi made an annoucement over dinner a few nights ago. With a grin on her face and several jaws dropping moments later, I am apparently about to become an uncle.

Accept the pain, cherish the joys, resolve the regrets; then can come the best of benedictions - "If I had my life to live over, I'd do it all the same."
- Joan McIntosh (American Writer)

As silent as a mouse, he tiptoes his way around the corner, hoping he's unnoticed and barely paid attention to. No fanfare required for it's been a month (or two) of reflection and inner debates on maintaining a journal to voice my opinions and thoughts again. The events leading up to my decision to 'quit' were chaotic to say the least, and I'm sure that some of you might be curious to know what I've been up to since then.

Well, the same.

I had a talk with Tamaki in regards to my leaving the Host Club for a while, to allow myself a relatively 'normal' student life without the stigma of being a host. I thought it would be an easy transition, coming to school in the morning without making my usual walk to the Third Music Room for some quiet time before classes began. It was hard to stop the habit, and there were days when I found myself walking up those flight of stairs before I forced myself to turn around. Tamaki was careful enough not to talk about the activities to me, although I knew it burned on the tip of his tongue several times and he had to restrain himself. The same went for Honey and Mori-senpai and I was glad to see that things were running smoothly without me.

I was thankful that some of the girls respected my wishes not to speak about the club either (or perhaps my curt and passive responses to any such questions caused them to pull away). I would eat my lunch alone, for fear that listening to the other hosts talking about 'White Day' and plans for it would have me itching to get involved again. But from what I heard, it was a good time for everyone.

On the family side of things, my brother has broken up with Kate. If you remember, she was the one who had a thing for my oldest brother. I will not go into details, but I can safely say that she is no longer a factor and won't be around to cause such a rift amongst us.

So now I am here again, ready to see the damage done since my absence. Already, I can feel my blood pressure rising, seeing as Kaoru and Hikaru have done a 'splendid' job not updating our website. Honey-senpai's dessert consumption has gone up again, and the total amount spent on the White Day party is going to come out of Tamaki's pocket. I'll make sure of it. And what's this? Haruhi broke another piece of China while serving tea a week ago.

Deep breaths, Kyouya. Deep breaths.

*starts calculating totals while making check mark beside Haruhi's name with words Debt Increased! scrawled next to it*

"I've looked on a lot of women with lust. I've committed adultery in my heart many times."
- Jimmy Carter - Former United States President

I found that particular quote interesting considering most men must go through something like that. I say 'men' seeing as I have not reached the stage when I will regard anyone with lustful intentions let alone a member of the opposite sex. *bows with light smirk* Ladies, I guarantee I am not as perverted.

Which brings me to the most bizarre afternoon I've had in a while to say the least. I recall mentioning that my older brothers have girlfriends of their own, and these girls were in attendance on Christmas Day at Fuyumi-neesan's chateau. My immediate older brother's girlfriend, believe it or not, is British. Something I'm not sure my father is all too comfortable with, although he has not voiced his displeasure...yet.

Her accent is relatively thick, for although she was born in London, she spent her formative years in the States. She only returned to England a few years ago, so one could say she speaks with a mixture of both cultures. It can get quite confusing after a while. But I digress.

As I was dropped off after school yesterday, I was quite surprised to see her waiting at the top of the stairs, dressed in jodhpurs with a riding crop in hand. The conversation went a little like this:

Kate (her name) - Ah, you're back home, Kyouya. Do get dressed. I'd like you to join me.
Me (tired and getting a little irritated. The last thing I want to do is ride a horse around the estate) - Why?
Kate - Oh, you don't have to look so upset
(I had no idea I looked that way)
Kate - I just want to get to know you a bit better. We hardly spoke at the Christmas dinner etc. etc.

I tuned her out, must have given a non-committal response - anything to keep her from talking much longer - and decided to go. Besides, it wouldn't hurt to maintain a good relationship with my possible future sister-in-law. (I say this because she has lasted longer than the other girls my brother has dated in the past)

It was a crisp evening and the ride did turn out to be a little invigorating. At least by the time we made the turn back to the stables, I was in much better spirits. I was even willing to join her for a small picnic (it never occured to me WHY she had that already prepared ahead of time) in the garden. She claimed she had made the sandwiches (reluctantly I admit they tasted good) and coupled with cheese, crackers, some fruits and about two or three glasses of non-alcoholic beverages, I was content, getting sleepy, and would have longed to doze off beneath the sakura tree.

However, something she said had my senses alert.

Kate - Have you ever been in a relationship that you want to be in...but you find yourself falling for someone else?

Me - silent...pretending to be half-asleep.

Kate - I mean...your brother is a wonderful man, kind, thoughtful and sweet...but he's...there's someone else who makes me feel so...alive Oh, I don't know why I'm telling you this, Kyouya. But you will keep this a secret between us, right?
I feel I can trust you.

Me - Do you want to break up with my brother? Or are you just remaining for the wealth and prestige?

Something in my tone must have caused her to gasp and to look away...or bring the tears to her eyes. I didn't care at the time. She was only using my brother while she fed her lust on someone else. It irritated and annoyed me. I rose to my feet, my intent to get out of there before I said something else I would regret. I had every intention of telling my brother about her, but Kate wasn't done surprising me yet.

In a quiet voice she said, It's your oldest brother. I love him, Kyouya. But you mustn't tell them...any of them. I don't want them to hate each other because of me.

And me - in a state of shock and disbelief...but still angry - Well then, why don't you leave?

*sighs and rubs hand across forehead* That was the last thing I said to her before walking away. I refused to leave my room for the rest of the day, not even joining my brothers for breakfast for fear they'd notice my discomfort.

Normally, I would have the situation in control, but my thoughts are racing to an inconclusive finish. What do I do? Do I tell my brothers about her? Or do I keep it to myself and let her continue with this farce? And dear gods, Fuyumi-neesan is coming this evening. There's no way she's not going to drag the truth out of me.

Reality was much prettier than a dream.
- Carolina Maria de Jesus (20th-century Brazilian poet and writer)

Sundays are blissfully quiet days when I can sleep in with no fear of Fuyumi-neesan bursting in to arrange/fold/mess up my clothes again. How else can I explain lifting your lashes to soft blades of light filtering in from the large windows of my room? It's like watching nature open a present for you - darkness slowly caressed aside by rays of sunshine. Dare I use the word breathtaking.

I think I will take a walk around the estate once I get out of bed. It's been a considerably busy week, what with everyone trying to settle in from the winter break. On Monday, there was a meeting with Kazana-sensei (our Vice Principal for those who don't know), where Ayame-san and I were called in for a meeting of all class presidents. I hated to remind Kazana-sensei (old as he is) that Ayame and I were presidents in our first year, but he wouldn't hear any of it. The usual things were discussed - how to keep the students in line and to make sure we upheld the Ouran code of conduct. It was boring and tiresome and my restlessness must have shown because Ayame actually kicked me in the shin reminding me to focus. With her eagerness, you'd think she was trying to run for class president in her third year. But for what it's worth, she will make a good leader. She was always a commanding presence...........except in front of Tamaki. I don't need to remind you why.

Walking into the Music Room later that day felt a little surreal. It was only two weeks away, and yet there was the underlying smell of 'emptiness' - of no one being there for a while. I'm used to the silence, especially since I enjoy being there when the boisterous noise from hosts and clients do not fill the air. There are plans to be made for the Valentine's Ball, and again the usual ritual of suffering through boxes of chocolate and giggling girls in the hallway as you walk past is bound to happen. However, I will admit that it's always interesting to watch the way the females react to their favorite clients on Valentine and White Day respectively.

Mental Note to Self: Do not forget to contact Renge-kun about pictures to use as 'trading cards' with a Valentine's Day theme. Those should sell well. Goodness knows we'll need funds especially for this impromptu commoner concert Tamaki has planned for us. As much as I appreciate music, rock is going to be a little harder to digest. But hopefully things go without a hitch. I can only cross my fingers and wish for the best.

And now...for that walk.......................

.................after I sleep for another few minutes.

A belated Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all of you. It's slightly 'odd' to return to blogging after deliberately staying away (with an effort) from anything computer related. All things considered, I feel more level-headed and ready for the new school year which begins in a week.

We arrived last night (back to Japan that is) and after a relatively good sleep, I think it's time I give you all a brief synopsis of what took place during our vacation. As you all know, Tamaki and I made the trip to St. Moritz, Switzerland where the Otori family has a chateau *points to above picture* But, I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's begin, shall we?

December 20th:
We left Tokyo on our private jet to the Swiss Alps. It was a long journey, but Tamaki kept us busy (read 'irritated') with his constant need to point out every single thing below us. Despite being blocked by clouds half of the time, he insisted they were shapes and there were perhaps people who might live up here and we didn't know about them. I gave up trying to convince him otherwise, for the more I tried to argue, the more he made up these elaborate stories that almost got me believing they did exist. Damn him and his persuasive skills. Antoinette got restless after a while and did try to chew through a leather seat at one point, but Tachibana (my private bodyguard) was quick to give him a rather large bone which shut her up quickly. I have a feeling it was drugged to make her lethargic, but don't tell Tamaki that.

December 21st:
We arrived in the wee hours of the morning and promptly taken to the chateau where we...no, I tried to sleep for the better part of the day. I was exhausted from all that had taken place at school coupled with the long flight, but guess who came bounding in wanting to go skiing? I think I punched him, but I can't be too sure. I only remember waking up to see him pouting and nursing a swollen jaw with Fuyumi-neesan (she arrived a day earlier than we did) doing her best to help him. They're two peas in a pod. I sometimes wonder why they aren't siblings.

Fuyumi insisted we sightsee with:

( The Glacier Express )

It's a famous excursion that travels from St. Moritz to Zermett and back. Unfortunately, no pets were allowed on the train and we had to leave Antoniette at the chateau. I won't even go into Tamaki's reaction at the news. Although, the trip brightened his spirits a lot.

I went to bed as soon as the trip was over. I have no idea what my excitable sister and her minion were up to the rest of the day.

December 22nd:
I lost Tamaki. There's an annual:

( Sky Marathon )

...where all skiers are asked to participate. It's supposed to be fun and relaxing, but my mistake was perhaps not putting a neon sign on Tamaki's forehead to alert me to his whereabouts at all times. The last time I saw him, he was wooing a group of girls, hardly paying attention to the race at hand. After finishing a lap, I returned to the spot to see that he was nowhere in sight. The girls claimed that he had left in search of me, but can you imagine trying to find someone in a throng of thousands? However, one quick call to the secret police solved the problem. He was found off track...literally. We both decided that 'normal' skiing would be better.

P.S: Fuyumi's husband took Tamaki and I to watch:

( The Grand Prix Races )

The horse I bet on came in second place which wasn't too bad. Guess who won? Yes. Tamaki. Damn.

December 23rd:
Christmas was in the air - and the chateau had been decorated just gaily enough for it. Fuyumi's touch could be seen everywhere and she insisted that Tamaki and I help her decorate the large tree with her husband in tow.

Several girls stopped by to see Tamaki (and I) and we graciously invited them in for tea and cakes. They were daughters and friends of some movie stars and members of the European royal family. We also got invitations to some parties they were hosting on Christmas Eve. Tamaki was quick to accept many of them, but I nudged him beneath the table to remind him of the concert tomorrow night. My brothers had gotten me the exclusive seats and there was no way I was passing that up for a date with girls who tittered like birds on a live wire.

We did, however, join them for a tour around the city and were forced to 'shop' with them. I think I even got a few things for some of the girls, but realizing that it's all to benefit and better our families relationships, I didn't mind footing the bill. ^_^

December 24th:
Christmas Eve. I woke up with a headache (no thanks to all the drinks we had last night. I could have sworn Fuyumi-neesan's husband said they were non-alcoholic but...) and tried to wrap all the presents I had bought. I think I did a considerably good job...or perhaps I should have just hired professional help. However, I wanted to make it more personal in some way.

The day was spent with some friends on the slopes and when the evening rolled around, Tamaki and I had to literally run back to the chateau to get ready for the concert. It was nice to be out of something other than ski clothes and thick sweaters. The black tuxedos had been tailored made for us and with white scarves draped around our necks, long black winter coats and matching gloves, we were set.....but not for chaos.

The paparrazzi lined the driveway leading to the concert hall and as V.I.Ps stepped out of limousines in the cold night air, it felt like walking into a scene from a fantasy of some sort. Much to my chagrin, Tamaki had invited two of the girls we had talked to earlier in the day to be our dates. They did look resplendent in their couture gowns, and with all the photographs taken, I have no doubt our faces were plastered across tabloid magazines. Apparently, I ended up with a young Princess from Spain. Pretty face. Boring conversationalist.

The concert was brilliant to say the least. Some performances moved me to tears (as much as I hate to admit it) but Tamaki was not one to shy away from openly sobbing at the tragic story of two star-crossed lovers. He definitely had the girls stuck to him like glue because of that. I begged to skip the after concert party and insisted on going home early. I assumed Tamaki would want to stay, but was surprised to see him running after me, pleading for me to wait. For some reason, I suggested we take a walk around the building. It was much quieter now, everyone tucked in the warmth and their laughter drifting from the windows. There were:

( Lit Christmas trees )

...around the grounds and one could dare say 'romantic' for lack of a better word. I remember suddenly feeling embarrassed at my rash decision for us to walk out here and would have suggested we go to the limo, when something cold and hard was suddenly thrown in my face! I blinked in bemusement, wiping my face and staring blankly at the smiling Tamaki. He was already making another snowball to throw at me, and smirking in retaliation, I gathered up some and threw back at him as hard as I could. He ducked...but wasn't fast enough.

How crazy was that? It was almost twelve midnight and there we were, two well-dressed young men playing with snow outside a grand building like the opera house. We finally ran into the limo, soaked, shivering and out of breath, but we couldn't stop laughing. That, in my opinion, was the best part of the whole night.

December 25th:
Merry Christmas! And Fuyumi-neesan and Tamaki let me know it by pulling the blanket off me and literally kicking me to the floor. Heads would have rolled if it wasn't for Fuyumi-neesan's husband joining in the foray. I have great respect for him and I know he loves my sister despite the forced marriage.

I trudged down the stairs, still in my pyjamas (and Tamaki in his) to open the presents. Thank you Mori senpai and Nekozawa senpai for the gifts. They were very much appreciated. Fuyumi gave me even more brushes for my calligraphy set - I think I forgot to tell her I wasn't done with the first batch. Her husband gave me a pair of customized gold cufflinks. Fuyumi received a new diamond ring from her husband and they engaged in a rather embarrassing kiss in front of Tamaki and I after her squeal of delight. Tamaki looked red-faced and couldn't look at me for some reason. He was ripping open his package from Fuyumi (and husband) which was a handwoven matte kimono with the Souh mon upon it (if I told you the cost of it, you'd never be able to pay it off for a while, dear commoners) as well as a box of commoner noodles that Tamaki loves so much. He opened mine next and I found myself slightly worried he might not like it. But if the tears that sprang to his eyes were any indication, I think I did a good job. Of course, pouncing on me in front of my amused sister and in-law was embarrassing to say the least. Antoinette, thinking it was a game, decided to jump on me as well. I could barely open the gift Tamaki had gotten for me. But when I eventually did, I was stunned to say the least. To share would be too personal, but it's something I'll cherish for as long as I live.

I had to excuse myself. Damn him ten times over for making me that emotional.

However, the day's surprises weren't over. For sometime that evening, my brothers and their girlfriends came trudging in with boxes of presents for all of us. Father couldn't come because of some business obligations (on Christmas Day!) but we all enjoyed it as best we could...without him.

As the evening wore on, the adults decided to go out for a party. I remembered Tamaki had promised to go with some girls sometime earlier and reminded him about it, but to my surprise, he insisted he stay with me. He had told the girls he had to spend the evening with someone close to him.......................

How dare he make me blush?!

December 26th:
I managed to survive last night's festivities and talking with Tamaki until the wee hours of the morning, but today was going to be even more exciting because Mori and Honey senpai as well as Chika and Satoshi would be arriving. We picked them up at airport...Tamaki insisted and spent the time back to the chateau catching up with all the things we've done so far. Needless to say, Chika was far from enthusiastic about the trip, but it was more than made up for by Satoshi's lively attitude and insistence on knocking Chika's head whenever he made a rude remark. Fascinating relationship those two.

We wasted no time to hit the slopes, and did I mention how breathtaking the mountains are at this time of the year?

( Mountain skiing/snow )

Mori senpai and I had a race....................which he won. Damn In the heat of 'battle', we forgot about Tamaki and the others. Somehow he had gotten himself lost in one of the thickets and if it wasn't for Honey senpai's quick thinking (and skiing skills) we would have lost our Host Club president.

The day didn't go without a hitch however. Chika got into another of his tirades and refused to join us at some point. Despite Satoshi's lashings and our prodding (I was getting mildly irritated with the little brat), he eventually stomped away with Honey senpai in tow. We decided to let the brothers handle their own problems, but Antoinette came running in later (she had joined them) barking and beckoning for us to follow. We found the brothers at the bottom of the mountain. Chika was out cold, while Honey senpai looked liked he had been crying. Apparently, Chika had tried to ski on his own without help and slid down the slope so fast, he ended up falling and twisting an ankle. Honey senpai blamed himself for the mishap, but Mori and Tamaki were quick to reassure him while I placed a quick call to the medics to come by.

What a day.

December 29th:
I skipped a few days because they were mostly spent in and out of Chika's room at the chateau. The doctors said he had a bad sprain and he would have to rest his legs for at least a month. So no karate or kendo for him. When Chika heard the news, he was too devasted to talk much. His face only got ruddy and with a cold glare at his older brother, he refused to stay a word. I wanted to tell him that he was lucky it was only a sprain, some people never got to walk again, but I decided not to. It was his problem and perhaps Mori senpai would do a better job talking to him.

I remember the rest of us - Tamaki, Satoshi, Honey and I sitting in the living room and brooding over Chika's sour disposition, when suddenly Mori senpai returned with Chika hobbling behind him in crutches. The younger boy looked like he had been crying or angry at crying, either way, a gentle nudge from Mori-senpai had him blurting out a sort-of-apology at his behavior. He realized that they'd be leaving in a day or so, and wanted us to enjoy ourselves as much as we could.

I have no idea what Mori-senpai told him, but that seemed to brighten Honey-senpai a lot because cakes (of all shapes and sizes) were brought in just for him! He insisted we join in, but Chika looked sick and hobbled back into his room, while Tamaki and Satoshi were more than glad to help Honey-senpai in his feast. A quick shared look with Mori-senpai was all I needed to know.

I had to smile. It was nice knowing he was around.

December 30th:
It was bittersweet to watch them leave, but they had to return to Austria where Honey senpai's private resort was, before heading back to Japan. Well-wishes were given all around, and Fuyumi-neesan was more than willing to give Honey senpai as many kisses as he wanted. She had taken a rather frightening obsession with him.

December 31st:
The chateau was much quieter with the group gone, but it was New Year's Eve and we met up with friends we had made at the ski resort, all leading up to the big countdown at midnight. We walked to the square in the bitter cold - all of us, including my brothers - and stood in anticipation for the large glass ball to drop. As the final countdown began, I thought of the year we were leaving, the ups and downs, the battles, the victories and most importantly the friends I had made. I wondered what the new year would hold in store for me and couldn't help smiling at the thought of being even better than I was in the last year. I vowed to be more resourceful, more understanding and more open with my...

...ONE!!

I wasn't expecting it and it definitely wasn't something that I had planned or well... even entertained, but to feel Tamaki's lips suddenly pressed against mine as confetti and the first flakes of snow fell upon us...simply put...it took my breath away. He pulled away to smile at me, cheeks as flushed as mine were I assume. Before I could even say a word, he hugged me again, whispering Happy New Year into my ear, before turning away to do the same to the girls that had followed us. I couldn't think coherently, my mind so filled with the sudden intimate gesture that I still can't believe it as I type this. What was that all about? And more perplexing...why couldn't I stop smiling?

The idiot. I should punch him for what he did and I will...as soon as I can get my knees to coperate with me again.

January 1st, 2007:
The morning dawned bright and early, and Tamaki was still asleep as I had breakfast with my family. My brothers and their girls would be leaving tomorrow, while Fuyumi-neesan and her husband would stay for another week. They realized Tamaki and I had to get ready for school, so we would pack and get ready to leave this afternoon.

When he eventually woke up, we spent the few hours left saying good bye to friends, exchanging emails and phone numbers and doing some last minute shopping for our friends back home. Tamaki got something for Haruhi, but he wouldn't show me. I also got some gifts for the twins, Haruhi, Nekozawa-senpai and my clients (some of them). I'm sure they'll love the genuine crystal figurines which seem to sparkle beneath the lights as you hold them up.

---

It's January 2nd now...I'm still jet-lagged but felt this had to be written before I ignore it completely. As the new school year begins, so does our new hopes and dreams for the year itself. Here's to more clients, more profits and a successful year in the Host Club. A toast for the new year! ^_^

Something caught my attention in Tamaki's journal earlier, and apparently it seems like Miss Sunako has deemed it fit to delete her journal, while lashing out at Tamaki in a way I did not find flattering. Here was my response to her and I'd advice others to read this as well:

___________________

Although we do not endorse continuing OOC conversations like this, I'm afraid I'll have to butt in here.

For starters, I have read 'The Wallflower' and I thought the manga was great in its own weird and funny way. Imagine my surprise to see someone create a journal for Sunako and to see how well she has played and stayed true to the character. I personally applauded and thought you were doing a fantastic job.

However, you bring such a character into a world like Ouran, where there are set rules established by its members. I do not know if you've had the chance to watch or read the show, but believe me when I say that if we all had really, really stayed true to the characters we potray, you and Noi would have been out of here faster than you can bat an eyelash. The Host Club takes care of its own. Despite all their differences, they are a 'tight' knit of friends who will defend their members from clients who get too out of hand, or from allowing uncomfortable situations to come up.

What your character did not only to others, but to Kyouya is not something that would have been tolerated. It was all in good fun, but there comes a point when you have to draw the line and know when fun becomes too obsessive. It makes the players uncomfortable and I'm sure you do not want that.

No one is asking you to delete your journal. That is a decision you decided to come to and if you feel it's the best, then so be it. You were a good player in your own right, but you took things too far. Does that make sense? Please do not assume that we are all miserable characters because believe me when you came here, you must have noticed how fun it was. Hell, isn't that why you wanted to be a part of it? Do not take your anger out on Tamaki or anyone else for that matter. Be mature enough to make an apology, and continue with your rping - instead of resorting to personal attacks.

Thank you.
____________

When Mori and I created this rpg, we really did not think anyone would take the time to read or even respond to our posts. As our family grew, we figured we would just dance from one journal to another and play amongst ourselves, creating our own 'make-believe' clients and having fun in that way. So one can only imagine how happy and thrilled we were when our first 'outside' client showed up - Anne - and she tried her best to talk to everyone and keep up with us. It felt good to know that we had people who showed interest in what we did, and we welcomed and had great conversation all around.

THAT is what we hope to achieve as an rpg group. THAT is why this was created - to have fun - be it in our stupid antics or in some angsty moments. We are open to anyone and everyone participating as much as they can and in being a part of our family. However, if you feel you cannot keep up, or disrespect any player in any way, you WILL be kicked out or ignored or banned. The cold and 'I-could-give-a-fuck' side of me is more than welcome to have things back to where they were in the beginning, but the more rationale side would like to have as many members participating as possible.

So please, before you start saying 'we're a miserable bunch of people' - just hold it all in and keep your thoughts to yourself. We have got a great bunch of players that I'm proud of, and if this scene is not for you, then by all means, open the door to the Music Room and walk out without a second look back.


In closing, I would like to wish you all a Merry Christmas. Tamaki, Mori-senpai, Honey-senpai and I will be leaving for our trip soon. And like I said, we might update if we can and Tamaki doesn't get lost let you know how things are going. Kaoru and Hikaru, I hope you both feel better soon...well I know Hikaru has recovered, but Kaoru please take care of yourself. You know you have the Ootori medical personnel at your beck and call if you need them. Haruhi, have yourself a good Christmas with Ranka-san in the best way you can. Nekozawa-senpai....I wish you the same, however way you celebrate it. Please send my regards to Kirimi. Miss Anne, Semi, China and Aya, the same goes for you all.

Happy Holidays!

*bows*

For the past few days, there seems to have been an influx of romantic feelings aimed towards members of the club. Although such things have happened in the past and are not unusual, we have always been careful to make sure we do not promote even more intimate feelings between member and client. We are in the business of pleasing ALL customers and taking/picking romantic partners is not an option.

Ladies, we all respect, admire, and take pleasure in your company. You all have various traits and naunces that make you special and unique in your own way. We celebrate and appreciate that.

*takes deep breath* And now, there seems to be talk of someone trying to propose to me. It's bad enough that my father is already thinking of potential brides, and the last thing I want to deal with is another client getting such extravagant ideas. Your determination and stubborness is admirable, but you do and will know my answer if such a conversation ever came up between us. Engagements, marriage, or even deep-seeded relationships are things I'm not ready for at this time, and I'll only do more to hurt than give you the pleasure demanded from me. Believe me when I say I'm sincerely flattered and honored by the attention and your feelings for me, but please know I'd rather have a good friend than a relationship steeped in bitterness and resentment.

Thank you for understanding. *gives a small bow*

What would life be if we had no courage to attempt anything?
- Vincent Van Gogh (1853-1890) Dutch Painter

I feel I must be pardoned for my rather bleak journal entry last time. I look at it now and wonder who wrote that. I usually tend to brush these things aside, but the creation of a place to let out my innermost thoughts has perhaps caused me to be more vulnerable than I would like.

All that aside, the Music Room has been decorated for the Christmas festivities/holidays, and we had a little get together with our clients the other day. Someone *smirks lightly* had the brilliant idea to adorn the room with mistletoe in the most obvious of places. It was a shy client who tugged my blazer and pointed it out to me, hence forcing me to acknowledge the pesky green plants. Needless to say, we were quite busy fulfilling our clients desires to be kissed, and we did our best to leave them with smiles (or passed out in some cases) as best as we could. However, a somewhat awkward moment occured when I found myself stuck with Tamaki beneath one. My first instinct was to escape as subtly as I could, but a part of me was undeniably curious to know what would happen if I did something that brazen in front of everyone. Yes, we do promote the 'homo/yaoi' theme and most girls seem to like that (just look at the twins for example - although that is seen as incest in a rather disturbing way) but with Tamaki...damn it! I seem to be blushing again as I write this. Thank goodness I'm alone in the Music Room at the moment....but with Tamaki...I hate to admit this, but as I dared myself to go for it, to accept his obvious challenge, a small part of me was afraid - terrified at what was about to happen...of what could happen.

What is there to fear really? He is my friend and nothing more. I can talk to him for hours, the only person I can talk to in that way without feeling too guarded or worried about keeping up my persona. I do not want to ruin the relationship we have now...and yet...there are times when I feel 'strange' when I watch him with his clients - a dull lick of some emotion flickering deep within me as he offers himself to them. Ah, such folly. It's ridiculous to muse over such things. I can only assume it's a feeling most close friends have when they feel they're being ignored for long periods of time.

I came home late last night (no in the wee hours of the morning), no thanks to Tamaki's Movie Night and the long talk we had afterwards - mostly plans for the club for the rest of the year, and other movies we might watch in the future. I look forward to seeing Titanic more for the costumes than the somewhat weak storyline. I'd definitely like to cosplay a debonair passenger from First Class. *adds that to mental notebook* Everyone seemed to have a good time at his house (Tamaki's that is) and I can honestly say that by the end of the night, he dozed off with a content smile on his face. His house is so large and it must be hard being the only child living there. At least I have my brothers and a sister who decides to pop in every once in a while. The loneliness he must feel sometimes.......

I practiced a little more the other night - this time I tried some Japanese calligraphy. This was what I came up with:

Unfortunately, Fuyumi saw me at work and was quick to tell me what it meant to my embarrassment. I can honestly say I wasn't paying much attention to what I was doing when I began this. My mind was filled with so many things at one time...but here's the breakdown according to Fuyumi.

Soul Mates
Soul Mates in Japanese is translated as "tamashii no tomo." The design combines soul mates into a single form. Here the two soul mates are written as a phonetic translation to kanji which works well in this case. As a balancing seal on the left is a small red seal for Eternity. (which I might add, she put that to 'complete' the picture.)

Don't bother asking me why I drew that. I just did and cannot give you an explanation if I tried.

A life spent in making mistakes is not only more honorable but more useful than a life spent in doing nothing.
- George Bernard Shaw (1865-1950) - Irish dramatist and critic

A few months ago, while walking through the halls to my next class, I was accosted by a student (name withheld) who ran up to me, gave me a stinging slap and called me a 'cold-hearted bastard'. She proceeded to launch into a lengthy tirade, while crying, claiming I never care for anyone but myself and my financial obligations or my studies. I was stunned to say the least, and could only listen to her heartfelt confession with mixed feelings of bemusement, mild irritation and perhaps disappointment. How does one react to something like that? I mused over that during the day and wondered if my participation in the Host Club was really the right course to take? I must confess I was almost ready to let Tamaki know my intentions, to leave the club and to stop fueling these young ladies' desires of a person they might never attain.

I am not naturally outgoing, and if it wasn't for the club and Tamaki's influence, I would have been more than content to remain a student of Ouran, passing my classes, studying, seeking out potential clients for the Otori Group in my own way and graduating with plans to take that role of heir with subtle determination.

I have made some good friends since the inception of the club - the most important being the six individuals I get to work with almost every other day. With my female clients, those who have been with me for a while, they have managed to understand my genuine interest in conversation that can span from the intelluctual to the mundane. If they have developed romantic feelings for me, I am powerless to stop that, and feel sincerely flattered when they do tell me. However, I have always believed I've turned them down in the most kindest of ways, for despite my general attitude on things, I do not wish to hurt anyone in such a manner.

The memory of a stinging slap came back to me this morning like a douse of cold water on a winter's day. It seems like I have displeased yet another client, after all subtlely was never my strongest suit.

“You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”
-Friedrich Nietzsche (German classical Scholar, Philosopher and Critic of culture, 1844-1900.)

Again, my thanks to everyone who wished me a happy birthday. It was quite thoughtful and kind of you. Special thanks to akito_aya for the teacup version of me. Yes, I am quite a delicious flavor if I do say so myself. *smirks*

The general consensus about the trip/cruise seemed favorable. I hear the clients are the still talking about it and I'm pleased that everything went off without a problem. I did eat something that was disagreeable with me during the trip, and on the last day it took all of my strength to stay until the end of the voyage. I had to make sure that everyone got home safely, the staff given last minute instructions and compensated for a job well done, as well as make sure the sales and account book was in order.

However, sometime that night, I must have collapsed in exhaustion on my desk because I certainly don't remember crawling into bed. I woke up to find myself in...well...bed...and knowing Fuyumi wasn't around to visit, I'm slightly embarrassed to assume that one of my brothers tucked me in. Neither of them mentioned it the next morning, although I drifted in and out of consciousness and could have sworn they were standing beside me at some point...but then again, it could be wishful thinking.

I heard Tamaki called me the morning of my birthday, and I'm not sure what answer was given to you for my inability to respond, Tamaki. Hopefully, the maid was polite enough. Fuyumi arrived sometime in the afternoon with the cakes (she made two - one for me since I don't really like sweets and another for the host members). She made fun of me by designing the cinnamon flavored cake in the shape of a yen. Something about me being too money conscious. Heh. I'd rather not go into that discussion right now. She also gave me some Chinese brushes - an authentic Sumi-e calligraphy set that I've been practicing with as shown below:


I call this one 'Orchid'.

Father and I had a brief conversation that night - he was away on business - and his gift was to invest some more stock in a company, saying that their prices were bound to go up in the near future, making me a multi millionare before my twenty-first birthday. I didn't know whether to laugh or punch the wall at his deadpan affirmation. But I settled for a small smile and thanked him. I think he means well...I think. My brothers gave me tickets to an exclusive sold out concert by a famous composer in Austria. He's one of my favorites and since we'll be spending our Christmas vacation there, it seemed fitting. To be honest, I was quite pleased with the gift. It was quite thoughtful of them.

Speaking of Christmas in Austria, Honey/Mori senpai, will you two be there as well? I believe you said it was Germany Honey-senpai, but could you validate with your parents and let me know? Since our estates are not too far apart, we could spend it together. Tamaki? Any definite plans yet? Will you be going to France to visit her? I'd like you to join us on the slopes...with the hope that any and all snow activities go without a hitch.

I know Haruhi has some exam she has to study for, but what are your plans Nekozawa-senpai, Kaoru and Hikaru? What about the ladies? Anne, Miss China and Miss Aya? Anything special planned?

Hello everyone,

To those who celebrate it, I hope you're having a wonderful Thanksgiving celebration so far.

I apologize for my absence the last few days. Several things came up that called my attention away from the internet/game - and with the upcoming holidays it's been quite chaotic as well. I hope that by the weekend, I'll be back to reply and write up something.

Thank you all for your well-wishes in regards to Kyouya's birthday (at least to those who remembered it). It was really thoughtful and nice of you to do so. Kyouya does not forget and will reward all of you later...as only he can.

Again, I wish you all a good day. Thank you for your patience. *bows*

I see Fuyumi has been in my room again. *eyes notepad, hiding small smile*

I will not go into details regarding the movie excursion since Tamaki and Honey senpai have done a good job painting the events as it happened.

Despite all the activity in the host club, I do have a lot of school work to catch up with. There's a chemistry test tomorrow, a Mathematics pop quiz or something along those lines - I have a meeting with Professor Hayakawa who teaches History. I think he wants me and Ayame-san to represent the second years in the Inter-school challenge next month. We both represented the school last year and won, I'm glad to say.

Father returned yesterday and had a meeting with his sons...or perhaps I should say with my two older brothers. I sat in the background listening as much as I could. The oldest would have to travel to the United States to oversee various investments, while the other will be leaving for Beijing in two days. Father did ask how school was, if I was doing well, while mentioning several other new clients' children who will be enrolling in Ouran in the next school year.

Pardon my language, but what the fuck am I? The administrative office? Why does he always insist on leaving me with that burden? I'm sure my brothers didn't have to go through this. As much as I enjoy the challenge of knowing everyone's life history, I can't help wondering if he's simply doing this to 'punish' me for being a member of the host club. I think his mentality is that as long I'm a part of the group, I might as well make the most of it. Milk it for all its worth.

Last but not least, dinner was excellent. And why shouldn't it be? Fuyumi made it after all. It takes me back to the days of eating her rice cakes in grade school.

There seems to be a rumor floating around that I keep a set of handcuffs in my personal possession, or worse, I run a BDSM club in my basement. Who starts these things? Let me state for the record, that although the temptation of owning such...items and using them on certain persons has crossed my mind on more than one occasion, I do not walk around with them in my pocket at all times.

Oddly enough, I found a manga with some rather interesting contents beside my laptop this morning. For some reason, no one in the club will admit who left it there. Although I do believe I saw Nekozawa senpai and Renge browsing through such books while at the Mall. *eyes manga again* Come to think of it, the main characters look like Mori and Honey senpai. Now, that amuses me greatly. Perhaps Renge had something to do with the production.

Mori and Honey senpai also mentioned something about going to see a movie at the commoner theater. Curious about this, since the concept of watching a theatrical release with so many other people, causes me to feel mildly claustrophobic, I decided it would be a good idea to give it a try. Tamaki and I will see The Prestige. I'm still not sure of what the others will be watching, but one can hope that things do not end up being a fiasco at the end of the day.

Torture – Excruciating physical or mental pain; agony, or being dragged around a mall by a very hyperactive and enthusiastic friend.

*eyes wrist* I think I’m still suffering the after effects of being handcuffed to Tamaki for almost an entire day. Whoever thought up that idea needs to be shot dealt with in a slow and painful manner. Or better yet, be made to stay with Tamaki in a locked room for an entire day. *assumes the twins had something to do with this*

As usual I was woken at an ungodly hour with someone shaking my shoulder and smiling quite broadly at me. I don’t think I need to tell you who that was. He insisted we use our car to drive to the mall where we would meet Haruhi and the others. I was hardly given the opportunity to eat my breakfast thanks to his need to get there quickly. It’s a good thing my father is out of town on a business trip. I doubt he would have approved of the debacle that ensued.

The Mall. It was quite an impressive structure if I do say so myself. To see the hustle and bustle of commerce and capitalism up close was quite interesting. Pity I didn’t bring my notebook. I would have loved to get down some notes about certain things that caught my attention. Haruhi looked nice and was already waiting with the twins, Honey and Mori senpai. Remembering our promise to Haruhi, to buy a perfume/cologne that fits, it was nothing short of a ‘smelly affair’ as everyone seemed to have an opinion or two on what worked best. Tamaki actually had the gall to spray a scent against my neck and leaned close to sniff it as some point. I think the temperature in the room went up a few degrees for some reason, but I digress.

To cut a long story short, the cologne was purchased (I got one for Fuyumi and I have no doubt she’ll be thrilled it came from a commoner’s mall) and then the cuffs were slammed on our wrists by Hikaru and Kaoru. Their smiles of evil were enough to send a weaker man crumbling, but used to such things, I took it in stride and assumed we would be released soon. Wishful thinking.

Between the visit to the ice cream shop, the bookstore and Tamaki’s incessant need to kiss every girl he met, it was all I could do to maintain a polite attitude through it all. Let’s not talk about his decision to pick up a book on BDSM and the way we were looked at as we walked. *blushes a little* Forgive my language, but damn it all to hell.

For all his flaws, he’s quite a good singer, and the karaoke performance proved it. Renge and Haruhi sang a nice duet, the twins made us laugh with their rendition of a popular song, and even Honey senpai somehow managed to entice Mori into performing. I passed. I do not sing and don’t intend to start anytime soon.

Haruhi’s party was a success and I surprised myself at being able to create a cheap looking costume made out of felt and cotton sheets. We carved pumpkins as well, and there was quite a mess created. Now that I look back on it, despite the sub par snacks (which is no fault of Haruhi’s since something more expensive could not be afforded) I laughed…a lot. The costume Haruhi wore was quite…interesting to say the least and Honey and even Mori senpai outdid themselves in the costume making. The twins, for all their artistry, could not keep up with them.

*smiles* I can’t remember the last time I had that much fun…ah yes, the ‘f’ word. But how else do I put it? It’s a good thing I could sleep in all day Sunday, but tomorrow night should be even more entertaining. Come to think of it…I was still handcuffed to Tamaki. Why?? By the time I realized this (I had gotten so used to him being beside me it didn’t really matter anymore), the twins had long gone and it was only thanks to Honey senpai were we finally released. We were the last to leave, and I could tell that Haruhi was quite exhausted and eager for that. It was worth it I think, and I was even too tired to push off Tamaki’s head from my shoulder as he dozed off during the drive to his home.

P.S: I seem unable to recall what my tarot reading was. At least Nekozawa senpai behaved himself long enough throughout the day.

A warrior of light who trusts too much in his intelligence will end up underestimating the power of his opponent.
-Paulo Coelho

Father seemed pleased at breakfast this morning. Apparently, this headline caught his attention:

Japanese Stocks Gain; Dollar Higher Vs. Yen

He and my brothers had a considerably animated conversation over it than I've heard in the past few weeks. And as if things couldn't be better for him, his investment in Berkshire, an American based textile industry, reached a record $100,000 per share yesterday. Father, of course, bought quite a lot when it was much cheaper, so let's just say his investment is paying off quite handsomely. He must have made over ten million American dollars while brushing his teeth that morning.

The weather is much colder now and to be honest, the Winter months aren't really my favorite time of the year. I think I remember getting sick a lot as a little kid - sneezing, coughing, and a general sour disposition about the whole thing. I hope Saturday doesn't get too cold. I have promised to take Haruhi shopping to find him cologne that would fit his tastes. I think I'll let this be my philanthropic endeavor for the week. What do I profit from this outing? Nothing much...besides wasting a few hours hoping he'd keep me entertained. It should be interesting to see his reaction to an upscale boutique.

The Halloween celebrations/plans are coming along nicely. I will have to remind the twins to speak to their mother about the decor and have things spruced up a bit. We will be having a pre-party of sorts at Haruhi's place the night before Halloween. And on Halloween itself, we will be dressed in some inexpensive costumes that should have the customers at the Club pleased (or bewildered) with the results.

Ah, time for my next class. I will have to stop for now until next time.

Auf Wiederlesen

“If I accept you as you are, I will make you worse; however if I treat you as though you are what you are capable of becoming, I help you become that”
-Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Ayumi-san called me last night - she of the funeral I attended last week. She sounded excited about beginning classes at Ouran in the upcoming new year, and I spoke to her about Haruhi. Who I am sure would be more than happy to have a 'little sister' to take care of. When I told her I was the vice president of the Host Club, that (and no big surprise here) got her attention. She wanted to know about everyone, and after a brief synopsis of the different 'types' we offer, I can see she's going to go for someone like Mori senpai. Ayumi-san is quite mature for her age and tends to display some old world Japanese traditions. Something I'm sure Tamaki can appreciate.

I tried to study for my German test after the phone call, but Fuyumi decided to stop by to fold my clothes again. Of course, I knew it was only an excuse to talk to me, and I pretended not to notice her puffy cheeks and reddened eyes. *sigh* She had argued with father again.

At some point, she began to sniffle as she stuffed my shirts into the drawer. I have to say it was a rather uncomfortable moment. I knew the right thing to do was to go to her and hug her, to say something comforting, reassuring...perhaps to let her know that I'm still here and I still care about her more than anyone else in this family. I think I broke my pen from the pressure I inflicted on it in my moments of internal debate. However, she surprised me by hugging me instead. It was definitely something I hadn't expected and I almost pushed her away at the intimate gesture.

But she needed me. I was the only one she could talk to and so I allowed her that freedom.

Funny how cold she felt next to me, considering how warm my room was. I wondered if she'd ever feel that warmth in her heart again.

I have set up a journal for all members of the club to meet, discuss ideas and plan for upcoming events.

the_ouran_club

Please try not to mess up the webpage, Kaoru and Hikaru. *smiles* Or I really will set up a meeting where your 'act' will take a completely different turn. I must speak to Renge about that.

Tamaki, hopefully this should be a good place for you to leave instructions on what to do.

And last but not least, thank you Mori senpai for your help and the ideas.

I apologize for my lack of updates recently.

A childhood friend of my father's passed away, and I (along with my brothers and sister) were required to attend the funeral in an undisclosed location. So secretive in fact, that I was denied access to my laptop or even a cell phone.

It was the most painful five days of my life.

I cannot disclose the name of the family, but know that they are one of the most powerful in Japan. I met with the deceased's sons and quite a lovely young daughter who's considering entering Ouran next year. Perhaps I can convince Haruhi to be a good senpai to her.

All the same, I'm glad to be back. Ah, but I see chaos around me again. *sigh* My work is never done.

Weil ich ihm nicht trau, sind wir befreundet.
Because I don't trust him, we are friends.
- BERTOLT BRECHT, Mutter Courage

I was asked a rather interesting question yesterday. It's not the first time that has come up, especially with clients who hope to cross that line between friendship and intimacy, but it's always the same thing.

Do I really love them? Can I really love anyone?

The latter had come from a frustrated Reiji Kanzaki-san (she's my number one customer and takes precedence before all others) in a rather surprising way. I usually don't encourage close contact with my clients, and don't get me wrong. I am not 'allergic' to the female sex, or I wouldn't be in this business. I just like to keep things as professional as possible without resorting to such saccharine displays as the rest of my colleagues (notably Tamaki). I guess Mori-senpai and I are alike in that respect.

My clientele choose me because we engage in intellectual conversation, topics of interest that range from the history of whatever theme we have for the day to the government's capitalistic shift in the economy. When the occasional personal question creeps in, I try my best to change the conversation without being too obvious. Yes, I do love them...love them for making our club such a success, and providing them with the fantasies they crave to see in the form of photos, djs, or magazines.

The bottom line, falling in love with a person like me would be a waste of time.

I am sure it will happen eventually. How and to whom, I do not know. Perhaps it will come when I least expect it, and when it does, will I be ready for the challenge?